Now

This is my take on a now page. Last updated: November 2025.

Being sick

About two weeks ago I fell ill with a truly terrible virus. Before this, I think the last time I was sick might’ve been in early 2024. I don’t often get sick these days. When I do, however, I feel horribly, painfully ill for about a day or so, and then I’m fine.¹ This time I suffered for a bit longer (about four days). Besides having an unusually high fever and feeling as though I was being crushed by a hydraulic press, my throat was so sore that I was unable to sleep for the first night. Once I was able to sleep again, I spent long enough in bed that I paid my sleep debt in full with interest, and eventually I recovered feeling better than I had in years.

Post-infection reflections. Although being sick is quite dreadful, I cherish the feeling that I get when I’m mostly recovered. I’ve mentioned the following to a few people, but the only person I know who seems to understand is my younger sister. When I’m mostly recovered from being sick but still have perhaps a bit of congestion, I experience a kind of inner peace and lightness, and I’m unburdened by any of the obligations I’d had before being sick, even if they are still there. It feels almost like I’m being hugged from within. I also become intensely nostalgic, and I’m somehow connected to every past version of me that is also at the tail end of a cold or flu, like we are all recovering together. It’s like I’ve hit a checkpoint in life, and I am able to spend some quality time reflecting, introspecting, and reminiscing. This time was especially pronounced because, perhaps owing to my absolution from sleep debt, I felt like I was a teenager again, with a clear head and energy to spend on whatever I wanted. I have been trying to maintain this energy. While this post-infection feeling has subsided, I have been responsible in the last two weeks about getting to bed on time (following my WHOOP’s suggestion), and this energy has stayed with me.

Directing my energy. Since high school, I’ve always been juggling a dozen or so projects, making appreciable progress on exactly zero of them. I have decided that I want to do some triage and dedicate my effort to just one or two personal projects at a time. More significantly, I want to spend more time doing things that aren’t “productive”. And I don’t mean that I want to return to watching brainrot YouTube content during my free time, which unfortunately was my default option until September or so. I mean that I want to learn about things that have nothing to do with my research, do more offline, spend more time with people I care about, and reconnect with people that I’ve not seen in years. So that’s what I’ve been up to. (Actually, this post is one example of my efforts!)

Current research

After being sick, I met with my advisor (Stephen Boyd) and told him about a number of project ideas I have. I’ve been doing a lot of finance-related work in the last two years, and I’m not interested to make that the subject of my PhD. Instead, it looks like I’ll be working on a number of things related to, e.g., the performance estimation problem (PEP) and applications of optimization theory within pure math. I am very much looking forward to refreshing my slate of projects! I’ve already started working on one new project, but it seems like the idea has already been developed quite extensively in the literature, so it’s not clear to me our role at the moment.

Books and music

Something I plan to include in my /now posts is a link to what I’m reading and what song has recently been looping in my 24/7 brain radio. (It gets a little annoying and I have no idea how to turn it off.) Maybe occasionally I’ll have some other stuff to put here.

Reading. Currently, I am reading There Is No Antimemetics Division by qntm. So far, it’s an enjoyable book! I think, anyway. I can’t quite remember ;)

Listening. One song that has been playing off-and-on in my brain recently is 初音ミクの あたまのたいそう by hapi⇒. Also, on account of the nostalgic post-viral period, Gusty Garden Galaxy has been keeping me company.²

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